The Riddle of Money; A Caveman's Lesson

     I am confused by the concept of money.  Not so much in that I don't understand how it works, because I don't, and that seems to be the only way such a convention can be viable.  I am more so confused by the fact that such an enigmatic system is still relevant in modern society.  Most folks have little to no grasp on how the theory of money works, which is how it has been able to sustain itself and become a larger and larger detriment to those who don't know the riddle of money.  The best way I can paint the Dalian abstraction of such a convention (Ha!  Dali puns) is to bring you on a metaphorical journey back in time.  A much simpler time when people wiped their assholes with giant leaves (or not at all), and being eaten was a legit concern.

     Imagine if you will, a pre-historic cave community.  Members of this stone age commune go about their lives much as you would picture it.  They hunt and gather, protect each other from predators, and even barter with each other from time to time.  One particular individual, Glorg, has a great skill set when it comes to game hunting.  He not only is a very efficient hunter, but also extremely skilled in the craft of making animal pelts.  These pelts are immensely useful to Glorg and his family.  They keep them warm in the winter, make for an aesthetically pleasing wardrobe, and are much easier on the skin when removing un-wanted bodily fluids. Glorg has a neighbor, his name is Glerg (Names are in the infantile stage of development).  Glerg and his family are surviving just barley due to his limited caveman skills.  He has taken notice of Glorg's fine pelts and what a boon they are to his family, especially how much hotter Glorg's wife looks in her fur bikini.  Now Glerg has nothing to barter with his neighbor for those pelts, but fears he and his family may not make it through another cold winter without them.  So Glerg devises a rather clever plan;

Glerg:  Hey Glorg!  That new batch of pelts is looking great!

Glorg:  Thanks man!  I had an awesome hunt last week!

Glerg: Yeah yeah, that's cool.  Hey listen, you think I can get my hands on a couple of thems.

Glorg:  Jeez, I'm not sure pal.  I wanna help you out, but winter is just around the corner and I'm not sure if I can part with any.  Do you have something to trade?

Glerg:  I sure do!

Glerg reaches into his cave and pulls a crude animal skin filled with jagged and filthy rocks.

Glorg:  Oh man, um, I don't think I need a bunch of rocks Glerg. 

Glerg:  What are you talking about?

Glorg:  Well, I mean, even if I did, I can get those anywhere for free.  Shit, there's more rocks like that strewn about my feet.

Glerg:  Not like these rocks.

Glorg:  How so?

Glerg:  These rocks right here represent something much more valuable.

Glorg:  Really?  What?

Glerg points to a small pile of very smooth and shiny rocks at the foot of his cave.  Glorg is confused (naturally).

Glerg:  These rocks are good for trading in for the prettier ones you see stacked up by my cave.

Glorg:  Those are nice.

Glerg:  So will you trade me for some pelts?

Glorg:  You mean the shiny rocks?

Glerg: No, silly, these

Glerg lifts the bag of shitty rocks up so Glorg understands what he means.

Glorg:  Why don't you just trade me some shiny rocks for some pelts?

Glerg:  Glad ya asked.  You see, the rocks I hold in my bag here are good for the shiny ones, which means you can trade them in anytime you want the shiny rocks.  Or, or, you can trade the shitty rocks for something else you may desire.  It's great because if gives you the freedom of choice.

Glorg:  (still confused)  So if I want the shiny rocks I can just give you the shitty rocks for them?  That seems kinda goofey.  Again, why not just trade me the shiny rocks, you have the same amount of shitty rocks.

Glerg:  Ah, see that's the beauty of it.  This pile of shitty rocks I hold in my hand is no where near the value of shiny rocks I have.

Glorg:  Wait, what?

Glerg:  Yeah, there is no way in caveman hell I'd let you trade in this pile of dog-shit rocks for my entire pile of shiny rocks!  What am I?  An idiot?

Glorg:  So why would I want to trade you for a pile of something I can't use?

Glerg:  Of course you can use them!   You can have a portion of shiny rocks whenever you want!  Or you can trade with, oh say Glarg down the way for some of his bone necklaces.  The point is, you get to choose, and choosing is freedom!

Glorg:  I guess I see the benefit in that...

Glerg:  Of course there's a benefit!  A fantastic one you'd have to be a moron to pass up.  I could give you a few shiny rocks, and that would be that.  But if I give you the shitty ones, not only will you get more, you can trade them for other things!  Do I have to spell it out in Mammoth feces for you?

Glorg:  I dunno, wouldn't the shitty rocks lose value the more I trade them?

Glerg:  Good point, easy fix.  I'll gather more shitty and shiny rocks the more you and the others trade them.

Glorg:  Yeah, but the shiny rocks are way more scarce, what happens if you can't find anymore shiny rocks?

Glerg:  Then we can trade shitty rocks on credit until we find more shiny rocks!  Duh!

Glorg:  What if that never happens?

Glerg:  These rocks are shiny!!  Look how shiny!!  You can get all kinds of cool stuff with them!  How is this confusing to you?!  You're acting like a Neander!

Glorg:  Hey!  That's not cool to throw slurs like that around bro!  I have few, and the word is Neanderthal, friends!

Glerg:  Yeah?  And how's it going for them?

Glorg:  They are slowly starving and being run out of their land by cavemen.

Glerg:  So you wanna end up like a dirty Neander...sorry, NEEANDERTHAL?!

Glorg: No.

Glerg:  So make the trade!  The reason they're about to go extinct is because they are too stupid to understand complex concepts like mine!!

Glorg:  I guess you're right.

Glerg:  Damn right I am!

Glorg and Glerg made their trade.  Glerg and his family went on to survive the winter staying warm and spiffy looking.  Meanwhile, Glorg took his pile of shitty rocks and was indeed able to convince other cavemen to trade them for goods and services.  Eventually the cave folk of Glorg and Glerg's commune decided it would be easier to spend time gathering rocks to trade.  Soon hunting and gathering skills deteriorated as the entire population of that community focused all their energy in creating complex shit rock derivatives, ponzy schemes, and a short lived rock trading futures market.  A few years latter Glorg found himself alone by a river bank up to his elbows in a pile of jagged shit rocks crying over his dead family who had starved from lack of food.  He choked on his own tears and a large chunk of sediment as he had reflected on the poor choice he made.

What's the moral of this story?  It's simple; don't believe the hype. - Chuck D